


How sunlight gets swallowed by the dark

by Robin11



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:21:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29555550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robin11/pseuds/Robin11
Summary: The reason why Draco ended up making a momentous decision in his life about his relationship with Hermione Granger
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	How sunlight gets swallowed by the dark

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my lovelies, 
> 
> I hope you're all doing well. Please enjoy!

'If I never loved you...' Her hazel eyes were bright in the harsh wind that cut at their cheeks. Jutting out his chin, he stared back defiantly,  
'Yes?'   
'If I never loved you...' he didn't bother pointing out that repetition was a fool's game, that it meant the argument was not thought out, that they had both agreed it was a sign of the speaker stalling, trying to buy time. All these things he thought, but she said nothing.   
'Well?' Her eyes filled with tears, and turning away, she clutched at the strap of her purse as if it were a crutch, as if it would save her from the tremors that shook her body.   
'If I never loved you...life would be so much easier.'  
Draco supposed he couldn't argue with that. 

'Stop moping Draco, it's very annoying.' His voicemail beeped, and Pansy's voice disappeared into the depths of the trash files of his phone, along with the twenty-something other of her calls. She'd been reaching out to him non-stop, annoyingly persistent since today was...and yet the one person from whom he wanted to hear was stubbornly keeping quiet. A scowl painted his features, it was just like her to do this to him, to punish him in the best way she knew: by depriving him of her presence. Like oxygen, it was annoyingly sickening how badly he needed her, how much he drunk her in when he was around her, how he felt like he was a fish on land now , gasping desperately with his eyes bulging, needing air, but too proud to ask for it. No, not too proud; just too ashamed. As always, when she said she didn't ever want to see him again, she was right. His darling was right. So now all he had left were the pixels of her face in his camera roll, and a number that taunted him with its simplicity, just a simple click and he'd hear her voice again, albeit her voicemail but...No. He couldn't call, wouldn't ever do that again, not after the way she'd looked at him, as if everything anyone had ever said about him was completely and utterly right, how he'd proven to be the coward they all thought he was, the monster. In frustration he yanked the curtains shut, and kicked off his shoes. Slumping down onto his bed he flung his phone across the room, where it cracked pathetically against the wall and sank to the carpet with a thud. Crap. That would be incredibly irritating tomorrow. Loosening his tie, he dropped his head on the pillow and shut his eyes, wanting it all to go away, for just a moment. 

'What on earth are you reading?' He jumped up at her voice, before relaxing into what his friends called his 'smitten pose' that he supposedly only did around her-they were just jealous-and placing down the book with a raised eyebrow.   
'Shakespeare, you're not the only one who's intellectual around here you know?'  
'Could have fooled me,' she replied sweetly, picking up the book and plopping down on the bench beside him. He tried to hold back the fondness that diffused his features as she flipped through the well worn pages idly, before settling on the scene he knew she would. When she noticed it'd been bookmarked she stared at him accusingly,   
'You did this on purpose,' the grin was impossible to hold back now, and bumping his shoulder against hers he said,  
'Can I help it if you're so predictable?' Scoffing, her eyes ran down the fiercely annotated dialogue, the weak, flickering candle on the table in front of them somehow gleaming off her skin, whereas it only sallowed him, pale as he was.   
'You're the only one who thinks that.' That pleased him immensely, and dropping his head on her shoulder, he curled into her,  
'It's because I know you darling, the rest are all idiots.' Her eyes snapped to his for the first time in the conversation, and he sucked in a breath. It was amazing how much she could disarm him still, with the smattering of freckles dusting the brown skin just above her nose. He brushed his lips against them lightly, counting them as she closed her eyes, sighing. Pulling back, he pushed his fringe out of his eyes-it was getting too long nowadays- and set about accomplishing the real reason why he'd been reading the dratted thing.   
'Read to me?' Holding back a smile, she acquiesced. 

'So this is how you decide to spend today? In bed. Alone.' Groaning, Draco twisted in his sheets to come face to face with Pansy and Blaise, each raising their eyebrows in almost identical expressions of disdain. Draco barely held back a scowl, why was it that he made friends with such judgemental people again?   
'It's my day isn't it? So my choice.'   
'Not if the choice is just to let yourself be pathetic.'  
'No offence Pansy,' he snarled, temper rising, 'But who asked you?' Rolling his eyes, Blaise shot her a look before sinking onto the bed next to Draco. Sliding off his shoes, he leaned against the headboard and stretched out his legs,   
'Go on then.' Baffled, Draco shot Pansy a look, but she simply shrugged, as if she had as little idea of what Blaise was trying to do as he did. Turning back to his friend, who was calmly waiting his response, Draco asked,   
'Go on what?' Crossing his arms, Blaise inclined his head towards him,  
'Talk.'

'Is that all we're going to do today? Study?' Suppressing a sigh of irritation, she tilted her head back to look at him, where he was leaning against a bookshelf in the library,   
'We have exams in a week Draco, and we both need to learn this.' Tipping his head back in a groan, he slumped onto the table,   
'But think of all the other fun things we could be doing,' he wheedled, and placing down her book, she rested her chin in her hands,  
'What other 'fun things?'' he didn't appreciate the teasing lilt in her voice, and so, leaning forward, he grasped the book from the table and ran.  
'DRACO.' He flew past shelves, slipped out of the library and ran towards the dormitories, her hot on his heels. In the corner of his eye he could see her gasping, panting as she stubbornly kept pace with him. It was the most attention she'd given him all day, exams always meant her dropping off the radar until they were over, unless he'd study with her. But how could he study, faced with so much beauty, so much wonder, all wrapped up in one person? It was inconceivable, and it was her fault that he was so pathetically smitten. If she were a fraction of herself, then maybe he could have rational thoughts around her. But no. She had to be one massive, blazing sun that encompassed his whole world, until all he knew was starlight, and that he was slowly going blind, he couldn't care about. That was what she did to him. And now, like the massive immature jerk he was, he was demanding attention from her, because it had been a week since he'd actually hung out with her, and not her buried in a book. So, reaching the dormitories, he muttered the password and slipped in, running all the way to his room, which was thankfully devoid of any roommates. It was there that she didn't even give him time to collapse before bursting in. Gazing at her, he had to suppress a laugh, her face was so flustered, so tired after their little race around the castle, and her eyes murderous. Mockingly, he lifted the book above his head, and gave it a little shake. He didn't even have the time to think about her reaction before she jumped on him, pulling him down onto the bed with her. Laughing and groaning at the pain, he tried to turn so that he could face her, their limbs tangled together. Her eyes were starlight,  
'Give me back my book,' their noses were tip to tip, and it only took three words to close the distance between their mouths,  
'I love you.'

'Draco?' The door banged shut as, loosening his tie, he stormed into the room.   
'Draco?' He turned away from her inquiring voice, the trembling of his hands not yet stilled.   
'What happened?' her voice became softer, and he almost melted at the sound of it. How was it fair that someone could sound so harsh and angry one moment, and so soft the next? She was a kaleidoscope of timbres, of tones, and he was the greedy idiot who kept turning and turning, desperate to find all the patterns.   
'It's nothing,' he mumbled. His voice, on the other hand, only had one setting. A rustle sounded to his left, and he knew she'd left the couch to come stand behind him. Sure enough, her arms slid around his waist, her mouth pressed against the back of his neck. Letting his eyes fall shut, he revelled in the feel of her, for just a moment, before the words of that night all came tumbling back, 'Mudblood.' Shivering, he broke their embrace.   
She was frowning when he faced her, 'What's going on Draco?' He shook his head, determined that she would never have to know where he went every month, that she would never have to find out the depths of what was happening. 'Nothing.' his voice came out harsher than he'd meant it to. Her eyebrows reached her hairline,  
'Draco?' His eyes flitted away, about to break at the pleading in her voice. Enough. It was enough of the weakness. If he wanted to protect the one thing he couldn't live without, he needed to start growing a backbone, or else she'd be taken from him, forever.   
'I said it was nothing, just some guys causing trouble at the pub again. Now, are we eating or not?' The tight purse of her lips told him she knew he was lying, and her eyes flashed at his words. But she didn't press it, just moved to the table, where she had laid out the takeout from last night. 'I had to work late again, I didn't have time to cook.' Work late. The words stopped him in his tracks, froze him as fear stiffened all his limbs. Working late meant she was vulnerable to those that came out at night, the Death Eaters had their patrols then. 'You shouldn't be working late,'   
'You work late,'  
'It's NOT THE SAME.' He'd never yelled at her before. The shock in her face said it all, before she regained composure over them.   
'Right. Well, I didn't have the time to cook,' and with that, she took her plate and the food on it, and walked into their room, slamming the door shut behind them. Rubbing his eyes wearily, he picked up the fork and stabbed at the food, hating himself.

It was her birthday, and he'd spent all night decorating the place, getting her sunflowers, getting her a cake in the shape of a book with the pages being different flavours because yes she was that much of a nerd and yes he was that much of a sucker. The whole thing had taken him days to coordinate, to plan. He'd even invited her friends, whom he despised. So all in all, he felt like he'd ticked the box of boyfriend. It was in part guilt as well that made him work so hard, he'd been snippier lately, unable to tell her most of his comings and goings. She didn't like the new side of him, as much as he didn't like it either, and many a day he'd come home to find her already in bed, and unwilling to converse after their last big fight. He hated fighting with her, it was so futile, like trying to yell at your foot for walking. But it didn't matter, he shook the thought away fiercely. Today was all about making it up to her, showing her how much he would always, always love her.  
The doorbell sounded and Draco suppressed a sigh, here came the idiots. Pulling the door open he flicked the towel he was using the wash the dishes over his shoulder,  
'Hello.' Ron and Harry grinned back at him, each holding lumpy, poorly wrapped packages. They were pathetic, unworthy of being her friends.   
'Cheers Draco, for inviting us. I know we haven't always seen eye to eye.' He made a noncommittal sound, and moved back to let them in. Ron let out a slow whistle as he surveyed the apartment, 'This looks really good. Did you do this all by yourself?' Draco wanted to smack him for the surprise in his tone. Out of the two of them, he hated Ron the most. But that was perhaps because of the longing Draco knew so well, that came over his face every time she was in the room. Ginger brat.   
'Now remember, she'll be coming in exactly half an hour, which means we all need to be in our positions by 10:24. The presents you can hide in the allocated places I've set out for each of you, and-'  
'-Chill Malfoy, we read the email you sent. It was very thorough.' Snarling, Draco bit back a snarky comment. It was her birthday, today he was going to be nice. Schooling his features into a smile, although judging by the looks on their faces it was more threatening than he'd intended, he walked back the the dishes, and continued drying them, revelling in their discomfort at his total silence.   
At exactly 10:30, the key turned in the lock and Draco felt a rush of pride for his knowing her so well, and at her for being so meticulously punctual. The door inched open, and Draco held up his fingers to count to five, before both boys ruined it and jumped out immediately. 'SURPRISE.' He was going to murder them.

She looked duly surprised however, and her face split into a dazzling smile, relighting the world, titling every planet back onto its orbit. How he loved her. She threw her arms around both of them, and he tried not to feel the twinge of disappointment that he had not been her first person to greet. Letting go of them, she turned to Draco,   
'You did this?' he shrugged, like it was no big deal, and laughing, she embraced him as well. Those few seconds of contact were all he needed to reassure her that she was still his everything, and to show him that she had not given up on loving him. They were together, as they should be. Slytherin and Gryffindor. Two sides of the same coin, destined to be intertwined forever. 'I have something to tell you,' she whispered in his ear, his response was far too quick,   
'Shall we send them away?' Pulling back with a laugh, she shook her head, and he already missed feeling her so near.   
'I'll tell you later.'

'I'm pregnant.' He stopped eating, his stomach reaching his feet.  
'W-what?' His repose didn't shake the glowing in her eyes,  
'I'm-'  
'-I heard you.' It was silent. He was trying to stem back all the things he'd seen and heard, all the scathing whispers of 'Half-blood, mud blood mother,' and the deaths, the woman he'd found lying on the ground, her organs spilling out of her. She was trying to stem back tears.   
'You're...really pregnant?' She nodded, jutting out her chin defiantly. It made him angry somehow, he wasn't the enemy here.   
'We have to get rid of it,'  
'Wha-' she gasped in disbelief.   
'I tell you I'm pregnant and your first reaction is we have to get rid of it?'  
'It's not safe, you know that as well as I. Us dating is even a risk.' The flame ignited in her gaze as she glared at him,  
'There are some risks you have to take, because otherwise you're just surviving, not living.' This wasn't good. She couldn't possibly be thinking about keeping it, when all it would do was anger the Death Eaters, alert them of his well preserved secret, it might end in her death, or her torture, or the baby's death, to its torture or-He needed to stop. This needed to be stopped and if he needed to be the bad guy in order to stop it, then so be it. Leaning forward, he said the one thing he knew would cut her to the bone,   
'I thought you were supposed to be intelligent.' 

She'd scheduled the abortion without telling him, and it was only because of a stupid slip on that idiot Ron's part that he even found out. Rushing to the clinic, he caught her just as she came back from the operation, Harry and Ron holding her arms. All three stiffened when they saw him, but Draco didn't care. He just wanted to see her, to tell her why he'd said it, why he'd been so distant. It was the Death Eaters, his parents trying to recruit him. It wasn't his fault, he was fighting for their survival every single day.   
'I need to talk to you.' She set her chin, and Ron stepped forward, his voice low,  
'Look, she'd just had a procedure, let's let her rest first-'  
'-Talk in my presence again you snivelling brat and I'll skin you.' She sighed loudly, freeing her arms. Harry gave her a questioning look but she shook her head,  
'Please wait for me in the car, I'll be fine.' When neither boy moved she sighed again,  
'I need to say this to him anyway. Go.' Giving each other a look, and then shooting Draco dirty ones, they both peeled off into the distance, and when he was certain they were out of earshot, Draco turned back to her, opening his mouth. But she cut him off,  
'I'm not interested in apologies, or excuses. I just think it's better to tell you now that I never want to see you again.' The breath left his body. How was this possible? Was he still standing? What was happening to him right now-  
'I-I tried so hard Draco.' His eyes filled with tears involuntarily,   
'But it's too much. I can't do this anymore.' he shook his head, reaching out with his arms but she sidestepped him.  
'But you love me.' He had to know, he had to be sure. This couldn't be over.   
'...Yes.' A rush of sweet relief flew through his body, it was ok, they could work this out, she was just in a bad place, vulnerable. When they were back in their apartment it would all be ok again. 'And it hurts me everyday.' He creased his forehead, this wasn't right, wasn't going the way he wanted it to, he needed it to.  
'It doesn't matter what happened. if you love me we can make it work, come on, this is all just because of circumstances. We just need a clean slate, to forget all about this.'  
She shook her head, the words died on his tongue. She was crying now, and the next words she said were the words that replayed in his mind over and over and over after she left, a broken record that he never stopped, for fear that once it was gone, it was gone forever.   
'If I never loved you...'  
And then she was gone. 

'You're pathetic.' He snapped his head up, glaring at Pansy through his tears.   
'What do you understand about love? Nothing. You've never loved anyone before, not as much as I love her.' She swiped his feet from the bed angrily, and drew herself to her full height, which admittedly, was not very much. 'No Draco. You're pathetic because you think you deserve her back.' His mouth dropped open,   
'What did you say to me?' Her gaze was unforgiving,   
'It's so easy to blame everything on your parents, isn't it? So easy to say it was the Death Eaters who ruined you. But they didn't. You did. Do you know how many people gave up their families, in order to be with the ones they loved? Andromeda Black for instance, your aunt. Sirius Black if we're going to go in depth. A lot from your family actually. You just didn't have the backbone to follow their example.' He was clenching his teeth so hard that it hurt, 'So you decide to play the double agent, a useless, snivelling boy to both sides. Pretend to be a Death Eater, but really go home to your muggleborn girlfriend every night. What information did you gather? What rebel group did you help with your spying? You did it to profit yourself and only yourself, meanwhile you treated her like shit, and you expect her to go back to you? You were a coward Draco, interested in saving your own neck, and if someone else's head had to go on the chopping block in order for you to do it, then so be it. Instead of telling her everything, you hid from her because you were afraid it would cause you to lose her and guess what? It happened anyway. You weren't there for her, you shunned her, and then expected to be worthy of her love in return?' she scoffed,  
'It's no wonder she's marrying that Weasley now. At least he was her friend, when you couldn't even be that.' Too far, she'd gone too fucking far.  
'And even if the marriage doesn't work out, and she ends up single again. You don't deserve to have her back, and she wouldn't take you, and good for her. You lost your chance Draco, you messed up and it's over, and that's that.' With that, she stomped away in her boots, slamming the door to his apartment shut. Blaise cleared his throat awkwardly, and scooted off the bed, 'I should probably go as well.' 

He was at the river, they'd walked past it almost every day until they stopped, because he thought it was too dangerous. Leaning his forearms on the railing of the bridge, he gazed at the rippling water down below, his reflection winking back up at him. He saw a pale, scared boy. With shadows under his eyes and a fringe that was far too long. His mouth was curled in hatred, he supposed it would be like that for always. Pansy had been right, he'd been hovering, too scared to pick a side. It was all over now. He'd show her, he'd show them all. If she didn't love him, if she was getting married. Then that was that. She'd made her choice, and now he would make his. Pulling back his sleeve, he stared at the Dark Mark that glistened on his arm. Lifting his head to the sky, Draco grinned malevolently. Oh yes. He'd made his choice indeed. If she didn't love him, he would spend the rest of his days making her pay. The wind picked up, snatching his words as they slithered through the breeze, a promise made to the entire city, a promise snaking its way into her ear, as she stood in her wedding dress, turning this way and that to see if it suited her,   
'Watch out Hermione Granger. I'm coming for you.'

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! Thank you for making it to the end of this fic. I think you have all gathered by now how toxic I have written Draco, and I'm sorry for the fans out there, but I see Draco idolised so much. Yes, he was a scared boy, yes many others made the exact same decisions he did, but he was also a terrible person, who allowed for the hatred of muggleborns, and bullied other kids in his class. Him being young and impressionable shouldn't be an excuse for his behaviour, but an explanation. ANYWAY, sorry about my Draco rant. Have a wonderful day and thank you again for reading. Feel free to comment, even if it's to yell at me about how I'm wrong and Draco is your favourite character. 
> 
> Love you allllllll :)


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